It's not fun to be in love with your best friend
by Alsike
Summary: AU, very AU. There is a severe lack of vampires. There are no slayers. It begins a little before the first episode, at Sunnydale High with an eclectic clique: Xander, Jesse, Willow, Faith, and Tara. Femslash. Things happen.


Their gang ate lunch on the steps. Faith threw off her leather jacket and crouched behind Xander pulling his ears out, them both making a face in Willow's direction. The red-haired computer geek was almost rolling with laughter, protesting, "stop, stop, they'll stick like that…" she gasped for breath. Jesse, staring at the school's doors, sighed. Faith loosed Xander's ears and glanced over to Jesse.

"The bitch-queen hasn't exited the building yet, Jes?"

"No," he sighed and turned back to them. Then the doors opened and he heard voices, spinning round and leaping up.

"How about not getting on my case about it? It was a question, you can say yes or no. if you want to make inferences about my sexual preferences don't you dare infer that I would ever lower myself to bother with you."

"You were the one who asked me…"

Tara stepped out of the door pulling back her hair and flipping off the person behind her. She grinned at the group on the steps. "Hey guys, I was working on a project."

"Yeah, we can tell," Faith smirked, "how did you manage to get paint above your eyebrow anyways?"

Tara sat down on the steps. Behind her, Cordelia exited the building and walked down the steps pointedly not looking at them. Jesse stepped forward, but she sped up. He sat down again and sighed.

"Anyways," Faith leaned into her best friend's side, "what were you talking to Queen C about anyways?"

Tara explored Faith's lunch. "I was just asking if she'd sit for me. I think she got a little excited. She must really want to strip for me or something because she got on my case about wanting her naked. Now all I said was 'sit.' I know I'm not a normal person, but somehow that doesn't imply nude to me. I don't even do nudes, geez." She found Faith's cookies and selected one.

"Beeatch." Faith snatched her cookies, rescuing them from the inconsiderate moocher.

"Faiiith." T whined.

"I really don't know what your problem up, C's a bitch so I call her a bitch."

"And this is why I have to defend you to my uptight British guardian every time you want to come over. She's really not a bad person, she just has a mouth fit for a sailor, is that any reason to ban her from your property."

"Aww, you went out on the line for me, T-ber."

"As I said, every time you come over."

"Speaking of coming over," Willow leaned into the conversation, "Are we going to have that study group sleep over tonight."

"Sure, what movies should I get?" Faith rummaged through her backpack for her blockbuster card.

"Faith!" Willow put her fists on her hips, "This is a study group sleepover."

"Wills, this is a Friday night." Faith leaned forward, staring at her.

Tara dropped herself across her friend's back and wrapped her arms around her waist. She peered out from behind Faith's shoulder and smiled at Willow. "What Faith means is that she'll get the movies for after we study. Right?"

Faith glowered and Willow frowned.

"A sleepover," Xander leaned in smiling broadly, "can I come?"

Faith gave him a worse look than she had given Willow previously, "excuse me, are you in AP Chemistry, I don't think so. Do you have a huge exam on Monday, again, I doubt this immensely, and are you allowed to come to a girly sleepover at Ter's house, ever?"

"Aww."

"Anyways, what movies, I'm open to recommendations because you never, ever seem to like what I get."

Tara flashed a smile at Willow, "Be thankful for this allowance, remember last time."

"How could I forget?" Willow grumped, "I'm scarred for life, that alien, and, ohh, it's too awful."

"Again, open to recs here, but no Disney movies. You forced me to watch Sleeping Beauty and I will never recover. And T- no arty movies. I will keep you forcibly away from the foreign film section as well. We want good home grown American movies."

"I think we should come with you." Willow nodded.

"We'll come too!" Xander exclaimed, "How about a male bonding night at your house, Jess."

"What?" Jesse woke from his Cordelia induced stupor.

"Why is it always at his house, Xan?" Tara asked.

"If you had ever been to my house you'd know."

……………………………………………………………………………………………

They had studied for far too long. When Faith closed her eyes she could see the periodic table. Elements danced before her eyelids. She groaned and dropped her head on the table. Tara glanced over and smiled indulgently. She stroked the dark hair that spilled over the chemistry text.

"I think it's time to get into our sleeping bags. It's better for Faith to fall asleep in front of a movie than on top of her books."

Willow glanced up, just noticing Faith's languid position. "I suppose we have done a lot tonight. Who wants to watch "Slayers!"?"

Faith groaned. "I cannot sleep with the voice of Lina Inverse piercing my ear. It's "Aliens" all the way."

"Like it's any easier to sleep to the sound of pitched battle with laser cannons and the goosh of mushy aliens."

"Then it looks like it's "Josie and the Pussycats"!"

"No," Faith stared, "you did not get that, no way."

Tara grinned, "Wanna bet?"

"Nooo!" Faith wailed. Willow looked worried as well.

"Too bad because you would have won. I actually got "Desperately Seeking Susan."

"Oh, okay, that's good," said Faith.

"We'll watch that," said Willow.

Faith had gone into the bathroom to brush her teeth. Willow was already asleep. Tara followed Faith.

"Um, F?"

"Yeah Ter?" spit,

"I need to talk to you about something."

"Que hora?"

"Um, did you mean to ask me what time it is?"

"Er, Que es?"

"Good enough, um, it's kind of tough, I, uh, I've decided to ask Cordelia out."

Faith gulped, swallowed her toothpaste and choked horribly over the sink. Then she carefully rinsed her mouth and her toothbrush, tapped her toothbrush three times on the sink, put it away, turned back to Tara and said, "You WHAT?"

"Faith, come on, you know I like girls. I told you this years ago."

"Cordelia?" Faith whimpered.

"She's, god, I know she's awful, but she's not horrid. She's weird, but, I'd like to ask, just see what's up with her."

Faith stared at her friend, "oh god."

"Faith, I, I just think that maybe, maybe she'll say yes. If I pitch it in the right way. She's the only one that actually might say yes."

Faith traced the edge of the sink and stared into the black hole. "Tara, I, I think it's a great idea. I'll, come on, we have to go shopping, you have to be sexy." She forced herself to smile. Tara watched her closely but made a similar smile in response, even if her eyes didn't follow it.

"That's great. I knew you would be cool with it." She left. Faith held herself up over the sink. She banged her head a few times on the faucet.

"Why? Why can't you do it? fricking scaredy-cat."

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Tara grinned and posed in a spaghetti strap top with a tie hung loosely around her neck. Faith laughed. "Channeling Avril are we? Didn't know Cordy was a skater girl."

Tara rolled her eyes. "How do you think I would look with too much mascara?"

Not half as gorgeous as you do with paint streaked from cheek to chin, Faith thought and sighed a little. "Oh, Avrillicious."

"Is that a really hot, or like a trumped-up teenage poser."

"You could never be as deeply shallow as our skating punk rock girl."

"So speaks the one who owns her CDs."

"I'm just a skater girl, she said 'see you later girl,' I wasn't good enough for her, now I'm a rocking star, slammin' on my guitar, what would she give to fuck me now?"

"Faaaythe, it doesn't scan and it doesn't rhyme."

"But that's the only reason she didn't say exactly what she meant."

"You perverted her songs for me. I will never be able to listen to her with purity in my mind again."

"She is a pervert, I merely elucidated that fact."

Tara stepped towards her, smiling like she wished she could stop, but only a little bit. She ducked her head, letting the silken strands slip over her face. Faith pushed them back, her hand sliding across her friend's cheek. Tara pushed her hand away.

"Let me change." She escaped, and Faith let her breath out. She wandered around the store, and then spotted something. She found a copy and hurried toward the dressing room. She opened the door and leaned in, "what about-"

There was a severe lack of clothing. "Yaah!" Faith slapped her hands over her eyes. When she slowly inched them down Tara was standing there, still in her underwear, with one hand on a hip.

"This from the person who forcibly stripped me of my self-conciousness? Do you not recall the many times you forced me into skanky shirts and attempted to pants me during soccer practice?"

Faith looked embarrassedly at the floor.

"Oh this is giving me much confidence right before I ask someone out."

"Sorry." Faith's shoe scuffed the floor.

"Now I'm trying to change." Faith did not move. "Out!"

Faith jumped, and the door slammed behind her. Tara picked up the article of clothing that Faith had dropped in her panic. She shrugged and tried it on.

When Tara stepped out of the dressing room, Faith had regained her composure. She was leaning against a pillar, chewing gum. She heard the door click shut and she glanced over, then she choked on her gum. Tara bit her lip and watched her hack up her gum.

"So," she said once Faith had recovered, "is that a good almost choke to death or a bad almost choke to death?"

"Good." Faith leaned back in relief, smiling, "An, oh my god I can't believe how hot you are almost choke to death."

Tara laughed, and Faith stared pathetically at her teeth, "Well you've done one useful thing while you're here. Let's go, I'm exhausted."

Tara bought the simple strappy black dress and Faith tied the packages onto the back of her bike. Tara clung around her middle and their helmets banged together. She left Tara at her house and drove home.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Fatih dropped the keys on the kitchen table. "Jen! Couz! Are you home?"

"I'm working!" came the answering yell, "Thai soup packs in the paper bag, make me one too!"

Faith knew not to disturb her cousin while she was programming, since the first few times she had peeped in she was required to dodge projectile discs and even a flying lamp. She put the pan on for the instant noodles, wandered into the living room and flopped onto the couch. She flipped through channels, but nothing held her attention. She changed her boots for sneakers and went running, but her recent discovery kept pounding through her head as her feet pounded the sidewalk. Finally she cut the run short dashing through someone's lawn and evading several dogs. She walked the last few blocks, scuffing her toe on the sidewalk. She reached their yard and kicked the tree. Then she punched it and skinned her knuckles. She scowled at her hand and went into the garage. She found her boxing equipment and wrapped her knuckles. Then she went and punched the tree until her fingers ached. Then she grabbed the trunk and leaned against in, sighing and rubbing the skin of her shoulder and neck against the rough bark.

"Faith."

"What," Faith grumped to the tree.

"How long do you think this had to boil before it was bone dry?"

Faith looked up, "I wasn't gone that long, and I put it pretty low…"

"Which all would have been fine if you had remembered to put any water in it in the first place!" Jenny stalked back into the house, "Scorching metal is not a pleasant smell!"

Faith followed sheepishly and sat at the table as Jenny filled the pan and put it on the stove. Then she sat down across from her.

"What's up with you? You're not usually this distracted."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Fine." Jenny stood up and got out the bowls, "but if you want to talk, I'm here."

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Faith barely paid attention to the chemistry test. She stared at her lab partner so often the teacher made a note to check their papers for signs of cheating. She watched the way her hair slid over her face. She sighed in reverence for the unconscious little doodles down the margin of every page. She thought about atomic numbers for a bit, but her train of thought was forcibly derailed by Tara's amused smile as she closed the booklet and stood up. The shock splashed like icy water on the back of Faith's neck. She was still on page two. She quickly turned back to the test and blazed through it.

She avoided the cafeteria during lunch and went to the computer lab instead. Jenny bent over her shoulder. "Do you want to talk?"

"No." Faith grumped.

"Do you want me to guess?"

Faith spun in the chair, "Get your own life and stop messing around in mine! Okay? I don't need your help. Maybe I have problems that will fuck up my whole life, but I can make decisions on my own!" She jumped up.

"Maybe I just want you to make the right ones."

"I'm not going to go crazy and start killing people just because I like my best friend in that way." Faith stomped, and then groaned, "Oh shit."

"This would be the best friend who came out to you two years ago?"

Faith glared her cousin in the eye, "I knew you wouldn't understand."

She stormed out and Jenny sighed.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Tara caught up to Faith after school as she stalked towards her bike. Her bad mood had continued throughout the day. But she saw Tara who was smiling broadly and clinging to her arm, and she sighed and smiled back.

"I asked her."

The recovery of Faith's mood was halted and she froze as well. "What, what did she say."

"You must be insane, you'd think that I would deign to date _you_? You're, you're just uh!"

"Well, I can see that."

Tara giggled, "And then she said, 'pick me up at seven.'"

Faith's stomach plummeted. "Are you going to?"

Tara raised an eyebrow, "You're expecting me to work up the nerve to ask someone else now? And come on I have to wear that great dress you picked out for me." Faith looked down. Tara slipped her hand into Faith's. "Come over, please. I need you."

Faith sighed, "All right."

Tara tugged Faith over to her motorcycle, "You're giving me a ride, right?"

"Only you." For the first time Faith really noticed the feelings running through her as Tara clung to her waist, and for the first time riding her bike, sharing the freedom she felt no euphoria.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

"Would you like some tea." Faith stared at the closed door through which Tara had exited to borrow her guardian's car and take Cordelia out to dinner. She turned to Mr. Giles and sighed.

"Okay."

Giles froze, "you, you actually want tea? I have some of that Chai stuff that Tara likes, or Liptons, and um, Yorkshire tea."

"Uh, Liptons."

"Cafinated or not?"

"It's a school night, G-man."

"So, um, not. Lots of milk and sugar?"

"Definitely."

He relaxed a bit. Cambric tea was mostly milk and sugar, and that was what children drank. Thinking of Faith as a child rather than a real tea-drinking adult was a little easier.

Faith sat at the table and sighed. She stirred the cup of white liquid Giles had given her, then nerved herself and took a sip.

"Um, G-man? Is tea supposed to be cold? And isn't it supposed to taste like something other than milk and sugar?"

Giles peered into her cup, then he cleaned his glasses. "I do believe I have forgotten to add the tea."

Faith looked up at him, her eyebrows skyrocketing, "Finally your chance to convert me and you forget the tea."

"I'll just…" He started to sidle off.

"Giles," Confused by the unused moniker he stopped, "I think you're totally cool."

"You, um…"

"I, oh fu—udge, I have to go." Faith leapt to her feet and fled.

"But, your tea!"

Faith did not come back. She had been slayed by her Apollyon: admitting her feelings.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

I am a glutton for punishment, she thought to herself as she looked down at Tara and Cordelia. Tara was stunning, Cordelia was hot, as usual. They were talking, they were having a nice time, and Faith was miserable. It wasn't fair! How could she have a good time with Cordelia, she was _Cordelia,_ dammit, and her whole purpose in life was to make others' lives miserable. Well she was succeeding with Faith.

The night went on. What did they have to talk about? They were laughing? Why were they laughing? It wasn't fair.

She followed them home, watched them kiss, and wanted to die.

She got in late, ignored Jenny who had stayed up, waiting for her, and went straight to bed.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

"So how did it go?" It was early and Faith lay slumped across her desk in the Chemistry room.

"It was good. She's all right, you know, she's honest, tactless, evil, but once you get past that she's kind of fun."

"Really?" It wasn't the usual sarcastic voice. It was a sad hopeless voice that Tara wasn't used to hearing. She looked up and opened her mouth and Willow broke in.

"So, what happened? Did you kiss her? Did she let you kiss her?"

Tara turned away from Faith, who was never a morning person, laughing.

"You're a gossip fiend Willow, well you'll never have guessed, she kissed me. She just decided she wanted to and was very forceful about it. She likes to have her way. Spoiled brat, similar to someone else I know." She prodded Faith with her elbow. Faith pricked up.

"I am not spoiled!"

"Yeah, but you're used to getting what you want, no matter what's in your way."

"Yeah," Faith gazed at her shoelace.

"And you're a brat." Tara was smiling wisely down at her.

"Hey!" She jumped up and was about to engage her best friend in a tickle fight when the teacher swept in and gave them a very stern look.

They slid into their seats. Faith groaned, "I know I failed."

"You knew all the material," Willow admonished.

"I blazed through it. I couldn't focus for the entire first period. You know I'm not a morning person."

The graded test plopped on Faith's desk upside down. "I'm afraid to look."

Tara leaned over and flipped it, "Faith, you got an eighty-five."

Faith peeked over her hands, "I did?"

"Yes."

"Oh yeah! My solid B+ is still intact! Whoosh!"

"Oh no!" Willow cried. Tara and Faith turned quickly. "I only got a 99, what did I do wrong?"

Faith and Tara's eyes met, and rolled, and they turned back. "Ninety-one, should I remind everyone that this is amazing because I am an art person."

"We all give the Tara much praise because she is talented at so many things, which include both Art and Chemistry." T punched Faith in the arm.

"You are very annoying."

Faith glanced down, "I'm just being myself. I thought you liked it."

Tara stared at her uncharacteristic Faith, "What has gotten into you? We love you, no matter what stupid thing you say or do, you know that, and we even love you all the more for it."

I'm just the comic relief, Faith moped to herself, I'm lame. I know I'm hot, but I must make others see. I must get myself a girlfriend, and create jealousy, and this will be easy because I am great and an all powerful sex goddess!

"Class, this is our new student, Elizabeth Summers. Now who is going to tutor her so she can catch up with our class."

"Oh me, me, pick me!"

"Okay, Willow. Go sit in that seat next to her, here's a text book."

The new girl sat down. "So," exclaimed Willow, "Is it Elizabeth, Liz, Beth, Betty, Lizbeth, Lizzy, Liza, Eliza…"

"Actually, it's Buffy." She smiled, looking a little embarrassed. Sure she was kind of on the short side, but Faith grinned, she was cute.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

"Are you going to Cheerleader tryouts?" Tara looked at Faith like she was nuts.

"Who are you and what have you done with my Faith? You wouldn't be caught dead in a cheerleader's uniform."

"Not to try out! Yuck, oh god yuck, but to watch. Isn't Cordelia going to be there?" She wasn't going to mention the fact that she had heard the new girl talking about cheerleading.

"Yes, wouldn't that usually mean we would stay as far away as possible, preferably on the other side of town?"

"But you're her girlfriend now."

"This implies what, and anyway, I am not her girlfriend, we went on one date, there is a plan for another, this means we are dating, nothing more, nothing less, and not that she'd admit it under pain of death."

"Did I hear someone say cheerleader?" Xander peeked in, "is there a motion to adjourn to the gym where there are limber scantily clad girls? Don't we all like scantily clad girls?"

Tara looked from Xander to Faith, "Well as far as I knew our friend here could take scantily clad girls or leave them by the side of the road, perhaps I am learning differently."

Xander and Tara looked at Faith, who tried not to look embarrassed, but failed.

"Perhaps there is one scantily clad hitchhiker she'd be happy to see on the side of the road, and pick her up."

"Not on my bike." Faith stuck her hands in her pockets and sauntered towards the gym, then she glanced back, "Are you coming?"

Xander followed eagerly and Tara with some trepidation.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

"This is really embarrassing," Tara muttered as she watched Faith watch girls.

"What, you're afraid Cordelia will see you?"

"I'm afraid anyone will see me watching girls with Xander."

"Ah, good point. I have no such worry because I am truly confident in my superior coolness and not even hanging with Xander can deprive me of that."

"Look, I have better things to do with my time. I'm going to work on my project for Ms. Trettner's class."

"Fine, go do your art. Are you coming to Karate tonight?"

"Of course, as if I would miss it. I'll see you then?"

"Yeah." Faith and Tara looked at each other. Hesitation floated. Finally Tara squeezed Faith's shoulder.

"Bye."

"Bye."

Xander was drooling and did not notice. When the doors shut behind Tara, Faith returned to her previous occupation, glaring daggers of death at Cordelia.

Then, in her intent stare, she saw it. Cordelia's foot sneaked out and kicked the new girl, Buffy, that was her name, in the back of the knee. She tumbled to the floor. The music stopped. Faith leaped up, enraged. Cordelia stepped back and covered her hand with her mouth, faking a horrified look. Faith ran down the bleachers and touched Buffy's shoulder, "Are you okay?"

"I hate Cordelia," she said, looking up and meeting Faith's eyes. Faith offered a hand.

"I hate her too."

"That's it for today!" called out a cheerleading captain. Faith smiled at the girl.

"Let me take you home."

……………………………………………………………………………………………

As the doubly loaded bike pulled out of the parking lot, Tara watched it out the window, her paintbrush frozen in midair. Who was on Faith's bike? She only ever lets me ride behind her. The paintbrush was lowered to the palate. Tara looked at her painting and then back outside, where the motorcycle no longer was.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Buffy's house was big and white and still had the For Sale sign on the front lawn. Faith pulled into the driveway and took off her helmet. A girl with long straight brown hair stood on the front porch her hands on her hips.

"Buffy," she started, as the aforementioned removed her helmet, "I'll tell mom. You've started hanging out with kids like that already? You said you were trying out for cheerleading, what did you try out for, the biker squad?"

Buffy turned to Faith, "Do you want to come in? Just ignore her."

"Uhh."

"Come on, I'll get you something to drink."

"Mom said hanging out with the wrong crowd was the reason you were kicked out of school. It's the reason mom and dad broke up. It's the reason we had to move, and now you're starting it all again. Well don't expect me to move with you this time. I'm staying put. I have enough to worry about. I-"

"Stuff it kid," said Faith. Dawn froze. No words came from her open mouth. Faith grinned and they moved into the house.

Buffy got Faith a juice. "So what's this about the wrong crowd?"

Buffy rolled her eyes, "I told you to ignore her."

"You got kicked out of school?"

"Yeah, uh, we burnt down the gym."

There was a raised eyebrow, "we?"

"Um, the wrong crowd and I, but me and my friend, we were caught, and expelled."

"Hmm."

"The wrong crowd was a lot more fun than the cheerleaders, but I promised my mom I'd try here, but I really don't like cheerleaders. They get on my nerves."

"Yeah, I get that."

"So we will bond over juice and our hatred of Cordelia." Faith chuckled.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

"Yeah, I dropped out of cheerleading, hung out with the wrong crowd, and took up Thai Kickboxing. It was a rush. I finally was able to just be myself, and people liked me. What about you?"

"Oh, everyone loves me, I'm just too insanely cool for some people to take."

"No," Buffy smiled, "Are you from Sunnydale? What's your story?"

"It's pretty sick and depressing. You don't want to hear it."

"Yeah I do. Where are you from?"

"Boston, south. My dad left when I was eight and when I was ten my mom died of alcohol poisoning. I lived on the street until I was eleven when they caught me and found a cousin who lived here. They sent me to live with her. She tries and all, but I would have been gone if I hadn't met my best friend. She's had a fucked up past too, and she was pretty quiet and miserable. I took it upon myself to bring her out of her shell, and now." Faith smiled to herself, "and now she's beautiful."

Buffy rolled over on her back. There wasn't much you could say to something like that.

"Well it's getting late. I should go." Faith sat up. Buffy sat up beside her.

"Thanks for the ride. It was fun, and it should get my mom to an appropriate degree of anger."

They laughed. Then they stopped. Faith kicked the edge of the bed a few times.

"Um," she turned to Buffy, "can I kiss you?"

"Uh, I guess." Faith froze. She hadn't been expecting that she had been waiting to give a long drawn out complicated explanation that she would make up on the spur of the moment, but none was needed. Buffy grinned.

"You weren't expecting me to correct your grammar on the can I, were you? I know what you meant. Are you going to do anything about it?"

Faith laughed and shrugged it off, and then kissed her. Her hand cupped the shorter girl's cheek. They broke it off and Buffy bit her lip.

"I'm going to tell mom you've been kissing girls again! That's when all the trouble started, she said. You' d better not be kissing girls again!" Dawn sprinted away. Buffy leaped up to follow but Faith grabbed her by the collar.

She looked into innocent green eyes, "you've been kissing girls _again?_"

Buffy sat back down and blushed.

"Yeah, um, it goes with all the wrong crowd stuff."

"You were really trying to rebel, weren't you?"

"No! That's not it; I wasn't trying to rebel at all!" Buffy looked down again. "There's me, a little cheerleader, walking home after dark. Three guys try to jump me, and a cute girl with a switchblade and mad kickboxing skills teaches them the error of their ways. I owed a lot to her, I didn't try to pretend that I didn't."

"So you offered her your body?"

"No!" Buffy put her hands on her hips and stuck her tongue out at Faith. "I just didn't treat her like some cheerleaders I know would. I took her out for coffee. And then I started going to kickboxing with her. And then I started hanging out with her friends. And then she asked me all worried and pathetic if she could kiss me, and I was entirely terrified, and froze, and couldn't move, because I really wanted to kiss her too."

"I take it you eventually did."

"Oh lots, and then we burned down the gym."

"There has got to be more of a story behind that, but I'll get it later. So what happened?"

"We were expelled, duh. She's in Fox Valley and I'm here. We kind of had to break up."

"Mom, mom!" Dawn pulled her mother to the door. "They were kissing!"

Buffy's mom looked down at them and smiled wryly. "Is that your bike outside?" she asked Faith.

"Er, yes."

"How do you pick them?" Her mother said, sighing in Buffy's direction.

"I pick the nice ones!" She jumped up. "I don't pick the girls who kick you in the knee because you're totally better at cheerleading than them! I pick the girl who helps you up and offers you a ride home. I don't pick the guy who tries to jump you in a dark alley, even if he is a football player! I pick the really nice girl who kicks his butt for me. Okay?"

Faith pretended that she did not exist. Dawn appeared to be doing the same.

The mother sighed. "Buffy, I'll trust that you'll make the right decisions. Don't let me down." She turned to her younger daughter, "Dawn, stop tattling on your sister." And now to Faith. "It's nice to meet you, um…"

"Faith." They shook hands.

"It's nice to meet you, Faith." She turned to go and then turned back to Buffy. "And I like meeting your friends before I find you half naked on the sofa, or have to bail you out of jail. Keep up the pattern."

"Okay mom." Buffy kept her head down and fingered the comforter under her hand. Her mother left. Dawn came in. She glared at Faith.

"I don't like you." Now she whined at Buffy, "Why'd you have to get another girlfriend? I liked Nick better."

"Well, if you hadn't noticed, Nick is far away from here. I can't just teleport over to Fox Valley every time I want to see her."

"But you shouldn't get a new girlfriend so soon. It's being unfaithful."

"Where do you pick stuff like this up, Dawn? Have you been skipping school to watch soaps again?"

"I haven't. You're awful. You didn't ever really care about her. You-"

"Faith is not my girlfriend! Okay? You better not ever talk about me and Nicole like that! You have no idea how I felt about her! You've never felt this way about anything! You are a bratty little kid who's mean and vicious and a tattletail. You shouldn't talk about things you don't understand, because you're just a little kid."

"Played the trump card there," remarked Faith.

Buffy looked at her and looked sick. "I'm sorry. You've been hearing a lot of things you shouldn't have to."

"Don't worry about it. If it helps I wanted to date you because I hoped it would make someone else jealous."

There were many raised eyebrows at this. Dawn stood and sulked. Faith reached out and grabbed her by the shoulder. "You don't like me, little dork? And you're passing judgment because you've what? Looked at me? You better believe it, I have a B+ in AP Chemistry."

Dawn looked disbelieving. Faith fished around in her pocket and pulled out a beat up sheaf of papers, "you see this eighty-five? You see it? Well there's more where that came from."

"You're proud of getting good grades?" asked Dawn.

Faith frowned at her. "Well, yeah, I worked hard for these. I'm proud of anything I worked hard for."

"Huh." Faith swatted Dawn across the head.

"Well, anyways, I really have to be going." She glared at Dawn. "I have homework, and then Karate." She glanced back at Buffy, "Do you want to come to Karate with me, and check it out?"

"Thanks, but not tonight. I have scads of homework to do, and maybe I should unpack sometime."

They glanced at the towers of cardboard boxes.

"Well, consider it an open invitation, and if you need help with any of that homework, don't hesitate to call Willow. She gave you her number, right?"

"Yep, tattooed into my palm." She held up the inscribed hand.

"See you tomorrow."

"Def."

Faith swatted Dawn on the back of her head on her way out.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

"You're dating Cordelia!" exclaimed Jesse, jumping up and down in front of Tara, who was leaning back away from him.

"Where have you been?" Faith growled, never a morning person.

"Cool it Jess." Xander caught his friend by the back of the shirt and brought him under control. "We're keeping this on the hush, hush, you see, and we can't have you blabbing it all over. I'm afraid I may have to kill you." Jesse looked up into Xander's worried face, then they laughed and then he turned to go back to harassing Tara.

Just then Buffy walked up. "Hey."

"Hey." Faith slung an arm around her shoulders. "Everyone, this is Buffy. And Buffy, here we have: Xander, Jesse, Tara, and you know Willow all ready."

"Hi."

"Hello lovely lady." Xander tried for suavity and looked embarrassed at the result.

"I can't believe it! You went out with her? Did you kiss her? Come on, you have to tell me!"

"Jesse, lay off." Faith gave Jesse a whack on the side of the head. He looked sulky. Tara leaned toward Buffy. "Nice to meet you." She turned to Faith. "I can't hang around him. I'm going to work on my project. See you in class." They looked at each other, and then Tara pulled away and started down the hall. Faith watched her as she went. Buffy watched Faith watch Tara.

"So that's her?"

"Huh?" Faith glanced up.

"That's the girl you want to make jealous?"

Faith sighed, "Is it that obvious?"

"Not to the untrained eye. But I thought it was probably a girl, since guys don't usually get jealous over other girls." She glanced at Jesse. "Key word, usually. And some how I didn't think it was Willow."

"Are you dissing my friend?" Faith sassed her.

"Of course not. She just didn't seem like your type, or the type to get jealous in a healthy way. More of a bottler."

"You're probably right." Faith glared at the floor. "It's not fun to be in love with your best friend."

"Perhaps we could make a deal?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, if you drive me to Fox Valley on the next long weekend, I'll help you try and win your girl."

"Okay. I can do that."

"Shake?"

They clapped their hands together and shook.

Willow smiled at Buffy. "How were those proofs?"

Buffy looked guilty. "Um, they were going a lot better after I talked to you, but I couldn't quite get them all. Do you think you could check them with me?"

"Sure!"

……………………………………………………………………………………………

"All right. Lets make a plan."

Faith was at Buffy's house again. They lounged in her bedroom, door shut against the little sister.

"Do you want to date me?"

Faith started a little. "What about your undying love?"

"Is she here? Do I see any chance for horrible misunderstandings on my part? How can I help you? This is about getting you together with a cute artist."

"I don't know. Subterfuge is the classical way to do it, for both comedies and tragedies."

"Then we'll go out as friends. You are my friend, right?"

"Of course."

"And we'll make her jealous as friends. You're coming to kickboxing with me, right?"

"Sure."

"When do you usually hang out?"

"Friday nights."

"You want to go out with me Friday?"

"I thought we weren't going to do this."

"As a friend. We can go clubbing or something."

"In Sunnydale?"

"You have to have one club!"

"In Sunnydale we go Bronzing."

"Okay, Bronzing then."

"All right."

"And in two weeks we're going to Fox Valley?"

"That soon?"

"Yep." Buffy jumped up and danced around the room, "I get to see Nikki! I get to see Nikki!"

"So, how much of Nikki are you planning to see."

"Ah!" Buffy whacked Faith in the head with a pillow.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

"I finished it! I finished the project!"

"Go, Ter."

"Do you want to hang out tonight? I feel so free with this off my back!"

"Um…:

"Faith?"

"I'd like to, really, but I promised Buffy I'd go to kickboxing with her tonight."

"Oh. Um. That sounds like fun."

"Yeah."

"Can I come?"

"Oh! I, um, I don't know. I'll call her and ask." Faith dropped the phone and stared at the wall. Then she found Buffy's number and dialed it.

"B?"

"Faith? What's up?"

"Um, Tara wants to come to kickboxing. Is that okay?"

"Faith. The whole point of this is to make her jealous. How will she feel if you tell her, sure come along, versus, no I was hoping to just hang out with Buffy?"

"But I don't want to hurt her."

"Faith! You can't play both games at once! You either play the caring best friend, which you have been plying for the past five years to no avail, or you can try something new. She doesn't appreciate you. She needs to be shown how faithful and considerate you are."

"I won't hurt her. She comes, or I go play Final Fantasy at her house."

"Fine, let her come. But you have to talk to me as much as her. Try to focus on me. It's the least that you can do."

"I'll try."

……………………………………………………………………………………………

The three girls met outside Buffy's house and walked to the dojo. It was upstairs in a sort of seedy building on the wrong side of town. Faith was feeling guilty and scuffed the toe of her sneaker along the sidewalk, as she walked silently, sulking at the garbage in the gutter. So Buffy and Tara chatted about normal things, like school and music. Then they stepped into the dojo. It had wooden floors with a ring in the back. There were a few other kids and Faith and Tara knew a few of them but not very well. The sensei was an older man but he was lean, muscled and strong. He bowed to them and smiled. "Welcome to the school of Muay Thai. Here we learn Thai boxing, the realest martial art in the world. Who are your friends?" he asked Buffy.

"This is Faith and this is Tara. They wanted to come along and check it out."

He nodded then turned to them. "Do you have martial arts experience?"

Faith shrugged. "We do Karate. She's a brown belt and I'll be going up for it soon."

He nodded. "Muay Thai is not won by katas, beauty, or style. It is won by technique, stamina, and ferocity. It is very important that we do not just learn how to fight, but that we learn how to win." He smiled again. "We focus heavily on conditioning, then drilling, and lastly we work in the ring. I will pull people out for private instruction, and Master Hiruma over there will lead the class."

A young man in only exercise shorts and hand wraps brushed a lock of thick black hair off his forehead and waved.

"If your parent or guardian signs one of these you are welcome to participate."

Buffy had prepared them and both had a waver signed.

The conditioning was hard. Buffy was pulled out right before the worst part. In their break afterwards Master Hiruma came over to Faith and Tara as they watched Buffy move in the ring.

"She is good, and she has been working very hard. She has already shown improvement. She has aggression. There is a tournament at the end of the month. It would give her something to train for. She puts so much into her training here that it feels that she is at loose ends elsewhere."

"Yeah," Faith muttered. Tara glanced at her; then she watched Buffy fight.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

"I loved it! It's just so, so, urmph!" Faith grunted and waved her arms wildly.

Buffy laughed. "They said you had the ferocity. You can kick butt. You almost kicked mine."

Tara fell back a few steps and watched them walk and laugh together.

"It's just killer. There's no rules, I can use all the dirty moves I learned on the street, well almost all." Buffy chuckled again and slipped her arm through Faith's.

"Yeah, I'm not sure my Sensei would be happy if you kneed someone in the family jewels."

"You think that's one of my bad moves? You can't even imagine my mad skills."

Tara knew a few of them. She had watched as Faith took out the bullies who teased any of their group, one by one. She had seen the anger that took her over, that made her forget who she was fighting, forget any rules at all. Today she had kept a hood on, just controlling herself enough to not let that anger in. All the rules and katas and meditation that she had practiced for the past five years still clung, but how long would they stick in a game with no rules, with no bonds that she struggled against, with the freedom she had been fighting for? Did she want to end up in Juvie again?

Faith paused and glanced back. "Come on, hustle up!" She held out her free hand.

Tara smiled, "I just thought this would make a good picture."

"What? You dig my ass that much?"

She ran up and caught Faith's hand. Pushing their shoulders together, she grinned at her friend. "Oh yeah, your butt haunts my dreams."

……………………………………………………………………………………………

"Oh, um, I'm going out with Buff tonight." Tara eyed her and noted her reticent speech.

"So, are you dating? Or what?"

"Um, we're just going Bronzing."

"Ooh, girly dancing, maybe I should sneak around with my camera papparotzzi-like."

"T-bear, you so stuck for material?"

"Naw, I just like to watch you dance."

"You want to come?"

"Me? Third wheel."

"We need our third wheel or the tricycle won't ride."

"I'm not messing up your date thing, and don't try to tell me it's not. Maybe it's not yet, but no one can resist you when you get out on that floor. Anyways, I have a Cordelia thing."

"How's it going?"

"Fast." Tara looked guilty, "I mean she's hot, and she likes me, she really does, which is weird. We don't have a date tonight, actually she's sitting for me."

"Naked?"

"She really wants to, but, as I said, fast, a little too fast for me."

"So, fast, meaning what?"

Tara started to turn pink, her hair started to slide over her face. Faith reached out with both hands and pushed her hair out of her face. Her hands stayed there, the heels of her hands resting in Tara's temples, her fingers splayed over her head. Fantasies ran through Faith's head as she stood there, staring at her friend. "Has she done this?" she whispered. She wished she could say it louder, she wished she could follow-through, kiss her like she wanted to. But she let go and turned away.

"Sorry. I, I have to go." Faith fled the scene. Tara sank her head into her hand, covering her eyes.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

"Look, I'm not sure I'm ready for this."

"This is about Faith, isn't it?" Cordelia glared at the artist, her hair pulled back, her paint smock loose over her shoulders, the front unbuttoned and her lips swollen from kisses.

"What does Faith have to do with anything?"

"She likes you, and now you want her more than me."

"Cordelia, Faith doesn't like me."

"She's been acting all weird since we started going out."

"She's confused. She's used to having me all to herself and now she's jealous. Maybe she thinks it's more, but it's not. She's already getting over it. She has Buffy."

"Then why won't you paint me nude?"

"Because I don't think it will be very good. I'm not good at people yet, I'd rather work on something a little more manageable."

"Why are clothes any easier?"

"I won't get distracted as easily." Cordelia laughed at Tara's dry expression, then she crawled over and started kissing her. "It's not like-" Tara gasped out, "-you're not distracting enough on your own."

……………………………………………………………………………………………

"She has a thing with Cordelia." Faith kicked the leg of the table viciously. "I thought we were trying to make her jealous. Why am I so jealous? Why isn't it working?"

"Maybe you shouldn't keep inviting her along with that puppy-dog look that says 'I couldn't bear it if you won't come.'"

"It's like she wants me to date you. It's like it'll get me off her back."

"Then why don't we?" Faith looked sharply at Buffy as they sat in the couches at the Bronze.

"I thought we said we wouldn't." Buffy slid over onto Faith's couch. "I thought, I mean, I am supposed to drive like fifty miles next Friday, right?" She looked closely at Buffy's face. She caught her chin and stared at her eyes. "You've been crying."

"I just thought we could drown our sorrows."

"In Cherry Coke?"

"In each other's mouths."

"What happened to you today?"

"I don't want to talk about it. Can't I just be overly hormonal?"

"Come on, what's up."

"I said I don't want to talk about it. Can't I just close my eyes and pretend you're someone else for a while? Give me a birthday present."

"It's your birthday!"

"Can we not talk about it? My dad was supposed to come up, but he, he couldn't make it."

"Yeah, he couldn't make it like my dad couldn't make it."

"He probably just forgot."

"At least my dad didn't make promises he wasn't going to keep."

"Faith! Can we not talk about it? I've gone through this already, I don't want to think about how much I'm angry at him, or how much it's my fault, or why he doesn't love me anymore. I just want to forget about it, just forget it for a while. Is that cool?"

"Yeah." Faith put her arms around the smaller girl, "it's totally cool." She sighed and their lips brushed together. Buffy pushed against her mouth and clung tightly to the body that supplied comfort.

Xander caught sight of them as he was taking a sip of his drink and froze, the coke kept flowing into his mouth. He unfroze, choking and hacking. Jesse slapped him on the back and he gasped for air.

"Oh my god!" He grabbed Jesse's shoulders and shook him. "Are you seeing this? Faith's gone to the girls on us! And with the new girl! Everyone is slipping away! We must hurry and save Willow before it is too late!"

Jesse glared at his friend. "You don't think they're doing this out of contact with you? Maybe you should stay away."

"Whose crush went first? I think it's you."

"Is not! It's totally you!"

"It's you!"

"You!"

"You!"

"You!"

"You!"

……………………………………………………………………………………………

"So, miss it's not a date. How was the tonsil hockey?"

Faith glowered at Tara. "It was miserable."

"Um." There wasn't much of a response to that.

"She was having a bad day, I was having a bad day. We were just seeking comfort in each other. I'm not saying the kissing wasn't nice. But one of the things that was nice about it was that it was just kissing. She would never go any farther with me, and I wouldn't with her."

"You wouldn't?"

"She's not _available_." It was too early in the morning for Faith; she was very grumpy. "Come on, I'd fuck fucking anything if it stayed still long enough."

"Faith."

"But not her." Faith glared at the person who had woken her up far too early on a Sunday. "No, she got lucky. She's got a girlfriend, and she's all messed up over her, but at least she's got someone who loves her back. She's not going to fuck around with a cheap whore like me just because she wants to get off."

"Faith. Stop it. Stop it now."

"Oh, like you can talk. You've got someone too." You've got someone and it's not me. No one wants me. No one fucking wants me. Faith sank her head into her hand. "I'm sorry. I'm just… just hormonal or something. Let's go. Let's go look at this art."

Tara slipped her arms around her best friend and held her tightly. "Faithy, you're super special. Please don't worry so much. I love you. I'll always love you."

"So, are you two coming in, or is this the new trysting place for teenagers. I didn't think it was quite that deserted."

Tara let go and turned laughing. "Hello, Ms. Summers. We really have come for the exhibit."

Ms. Summers smiled at her and then looked at Faith. Faith looked nervous. "I know you. Faith, isn't it?"

"Uh, yes'um." Tara raised her eyebrow in Faith's direction.

"Well, I wouldn't have pegged you for an art fan."

"Um, yes'um."

"So, are you Buffy's new girlfriend? I haven't seen you around since you brought her home on your motorcycle." Tara flinched. Joyce glanced between them. "Or was I not supposed to mention your indiscretion?"

Faith glanced at Tara, "no, um, I'm not dating your daughter. I'm not, um, dating anyone right now."

"Darn, I thought I was getting better at reading people. Oh well. Then, if she wasn't on a date with you last night, where was she?"

"Well, um, actually, she was with, um, me."

Tara leaned forward, "And they were making out on the couch in the Bronze, don't let her tell you different. Everyone saw." She prodded Faith in the side. "And what suddenly turned you into me?"

Faith gave her a look. "You are so not as bad as that."

"I used to be."

Joyce gave them a smile, "well come in." She caught Faith's eye. "If you hang around with her I'll take you off my wrong crowd list."

Tara slipped her arm around Faith's waist and pulled her towards the gallery. "I don't know. She's a bad egg. Kissing girls without dating them, being self-deprecating, and really grumpy in the mornings, yes, a bad egg."

……………………………………………………………………………………………

"I'm going to kickboxing again tonight."

"With Buffy?"

"Yeah, of course."

"I, Cordelia's coming over."

"Again?"

"I need to finish the painting. She was, she was kind of distracting last time. I didn't get too far."

"I thought it was going to fast."

"Yeah, but at least I know she wants to kiss me. She'll do it. She's not scared of anything."

"And this is why she won't tell anyone about dating you."

"At least she's not afraid of me. She doesn't seem to think anything horrible will happen to her if she touches me, and is perfectly happy doing it with other girls who…" Tara laughed at herself. "Just listen to me. I am such a dork, god. Faith, just, just be careful. I don't want you getting hurt."

"Thanks, and, and you too, be, be careful, okay?"

"Okay."

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Faith sparred with Buffy, trading blows, going easy. She worked on technique, on control.

Tara chewed on the end of her paintbrush. Something was off, something, just what was it?

"Come on, now. You've warmed up enough! Let's start up a round robin. Two rounds, winner stays on."

"Um, Cordelia? What are you doing?" The model gave her a dry look.

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm taking my shirt off."

"Um, Why?"

It was easy. Faith was kicking ass. She felt the adrenaline start pumping. She jumped around in the ring. "Oh yeah! Who's gonna take me? Who's gonna take me?"

"Cordy, I'm not, I'm…"

"You said that last time. You said it wasn't about Faith. Don't make it be about her. It isn't about her. It's about you and me. Come on."

A big guy stepped in. He liked to boast he was the best in the class. He had that expression on his face. The one that Faith knew and hated more than anything. He looked at her like she was nothing, and that smearing her against the wall would be mildly entertaining. It started her burning, especially when he laid on the blows. He was bigger, and stronger. In the real sport he would be in quite a different weight class, but this was just practice. This was just a game. But he was grinning as he moved towards her, as he didn't even respond to her blows.

It was kissing, just kissing. They had been doing it all week, fencing foil inside their mouths. Okay, she wasn't wearing a shirt, but that, that was nice, her skin was soft and smooth under her fingertips. So she was unbuttoning her shirt, she had done that before, she had kissed her way down Tara's neck. She pushed the smock off her shoulders, and her hands came back.

He raised his hand, he taunted her with telegraphing the move. She wasn't going to stop it; she wasn't going to dodge it. His elbow came around and smashed her in the face, sending her into the ring, springing her to the mat. He laughed, thinking he'd won. And Faith lay still. She slowly moved her hand up to touch her face, and then she was up, moving, flying, attacking. No rules there were no rules, she screamed like an avenging fury. She saw red, and nothing else.

It was a little more than kissing now. There was definitely a little more touching, and a little less clothing, and doing it was a lot different than thinking about it, and it was going to fast, way too fast. They had been going out like a week. Sure it was like all the stories, sure it was romantic and hedonistic, but it wasn't like real life and it wasn't like her, and she wanted her bra to stay on, thank you very much, and… Faith, it was always all about Faith.

Buffy had pulled her off of him. She had swung wildly at her new attacker, swung crazily, powerfully, until her hands were pinned behind her back, until her feet were held motionless, and she couldn't scream anymore and the tears were sluicing from her eyes, and she was seeing not what was there and crying out, "don't, don't please, no, please, daddy, daddy help me…" And Buffy looked around and told everyone to let her go, to step away.

"Stop it!" Tara didn't struggle, she lay still for a moment, and then moved. It was a simple move, an easy disengage, and no one expected something like that when they were making out. Cordelia tumbled off the bed and hit the floor.

"Ow!" She sat up, rubbing her elbow and knees. "What the hell did you do?"

"I don't want to do this with you."

"Why not? Fuck. It's Faith, it's always Faith."

"It's not," Tara lied. "I like you. I like you though none of my friends really understand why, not even Jesse. But I'm not ready to sleep with you."

"Achhh," Cordelia made an exasperated hissing noise.

"I'm not."

"It's Faith; it's Faith; it's Faith. No matter how much you say it's not, it's always about her. You'll always want her more. But come on. If she hasn't noticed by now, when is she going to notice? She can't not have noticed. She just doesn't care. You think she's scared, or unsure, come on. This is Faith, she'd-"

"She'd fuck anything that stayed still long enough. I know. I've heard it all before. I really don't care. I told you what I needed to tell you, if you can't deal with it, or you don't believe me, fine, but that's your problem. I like you because you're funny and sarcastic and you speak your mind. I like you because you're beautiful, and I like you because you like me, and can admit it. But I don't like you enough to sleep with you. Maybe you think it's about Faith, but don't make it about her. This is about you, and me, and a decision that I made for myself, okay?"

Cordelia looked up at her, at the girl who had dumped her off the bed in one swift move. She slowly climbed to her feet and found her shirt.

"You always were such a good girl; I suppose it's not implausible. But it's a wonder you ever managed to become a dyke in the first place." She opened the door, and then she glanced back. "But come on. You have a thing for Faith, at least admit it to yourself. You know you would have never had gone for me if I was a blonde."

She left. Tara lay back on her bed and listened for the sound of her car starting up and pulling away. She stared at the ceiling and tried not to think. It would be easier if she didn't think. It would be easier if she could just be happy knowing that Faith was her best friend. But it felt like she was losing even that. It really wasn't fair. It's not fun to be in love with your best friend.

There was a body in front of her. On the mats, inside the ring. She was outside, she realized. She didn't know how she had gotten there. She didn't know why there was blood on her hands. She didn't know why everyone was staring at her. And then she did know why. And then she ran.

She spent the night on a park bench. She didn't cry anymore, but she felt sick, and she wished, she wished she had listened when Tara had told her to be careful. And she wished she was worth someone caring about her like that. She wished she was worthy of her friendship, and didn't cry like a spoilt child for something more.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Buffy went to Faith's house after school the next day. She hadn't shown up at school.

"Are you, okay?" Faith was in bed with the pillow pressed firmly over her head. There was no answer, she thought that probably meant no. "I thought you might want to know, um, he's okay. Even after you went berzerker on him, he, um, it's mostly bruises and an, um, cracked rib or two." There was still no response. "Are we, uh, are we still on for Friday?"

Faith peeked out from under her pillow. A bruise was forming on the left side of her lower jaw. "You can't beat selfishness, can you?" She glowered at Buffy, "Yeah, we're on."

"I came to see how you were."

"Yeah, whatever."

"Look, I brought you to kickboxing. It's my fault, and now I feel really awful about it."

"It's not your fault. Tara told me to be careful. I knew I should have stayed in control, but I got angry. Mea culpa."

"I, I, I'm still sorry. And if you don't want to take me, that's fine, I mean, this has been a complete disaster. I haven't helped you at all. It made it worse."

"No, you tried, and I'll hold up my end of the deal."

"But, um, do you think you could drive, my, um, my mom's car."

"What? What's wrong with my bike?"

"Well, um, my, um, my mom said that she could come stay if we get her mom's permission."

Faith was finally sitting up. "Why in hell does your mom trust you this much? You burnt down the gym!"

"Well, it was kind of ambiguous. I asked her if a friend from my old school could come up and stay for a bit."

"And she just said yes? There was no, 'is this the wrong crowd or the right crowd?' No interrogation, nothing? Didn't she catch you two making out or something? Isn't she worried at all?"

"She asked me if we were planning on getting into any trouble. I said, 'no, we just want to catch up, and meet my new friends,'"

"She said, 'as long as you take Tara along.'"

Faith flopped back on the bed and rolled in laughter. "She really likes her. Why am I surprised? Everyone likes her. She's just perfection personified."

"Aren't you exaggerating a little?"

"Your mom doesn't think I am. Your mom thinks she can do no wrong."

"How does she even know her? And why does she think I know her, I mean-"

"Again, mea culpa. Your mom knows me. And when T dragged me along to an exhibit at your mom's gallery, she kind of figured out that we knew each other. Of course she also seemed to think that me and T were dating and I had been having an affair with you or something. I tried to set her straight. So it's too bad we can't double while she's here. If this hadn't been such a failure."

"Sorry! Sorry!" Buffy flopped on the bed. "I have no more ideas. I don't want to have anymore ideas, I don't want to screw anything else up!"

"Have you talked to your Nikki's mom yet?"

"Um, no?"

"Nikki?"

"We've been emailing."

"Did her mom catch you on the sofa like yours did?"

"Actually, she's um, she's never met me."

"Never? I'm driving your mom's car, and she's never met you? Oh we are so incognito! What am I going to wear? I have to look like a good kid. I don't have any good kid clothes. Is Jenny home? I must raid her closet. And you have to call her mom and sound her out. If she asks you had nothing to do with the gym burning, and you were her friend _before_ she started hanging out with 'those people.' Kay? Is that a plan?"

"That's a super plan!"

"You just have to know how to work the system."

……………………………………………………………………………………………

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just didn't feel very good this morning."

Willow perched on the bed next to Tara. "I brought you your homework."

"Thanks, you're always so thoughtful." What else do you expect of Willow? She must think you're miserable without schoolwork to do.

"What, what's that?" Tara looked down into her lap. She pushed the sketchbook over to Willow, who sneezed. "What is it?"

"Um, it's supposed to be Faith."

"I can see that. What's it done with, it's making me snee-a-a-" she sneezed again.

"It's charcoal."

"It's great."

"It's rough, I didn't really get-"

"Shh! Stop it. It's super. Were you working from something? A photo or…"

Tara was shaking her head. "it's just a sketch, it's not from anything."

Willow laughed, "How much do you look at her? I mean," she dug her laptop out of her backpack. She flipped it open and brought up iPhoto; then she brought up a picture of Faith. "You got everything right. Even that expression, it's just hers. Can you just do this? Or have you been staring at her?"

"Will…"

"What? Are you, are you crushing over her?"

"…"

"You are! You really are!"

"Hasn't it been obvious? I've been crushing over her for years. But I didn't even notice it, until, until…"

Willow put a comforting hand on Tara's shoulder. "Until you started dating Cordelia and stopped spending every waking moment together."

"And now there's Buffy, and she's suddenly all, 'I'll kiss girls, any cute cheerleader who saunters through that door. I'll give her a ride on my bike.' No one else is supposed to ride on her bike except me." Tara's head sank to her hand. "God I sound so possessive and jealous. I don't even know if I'm crushing over her or I'm just feeling jealous because I'm being replaced as her best friend."

"Tara, when you two are together I always feel left out. And I know you both like me, you're both my friends, but you together is something that no one can break into. You're so close, maybe this is good for you. Maybe you need to figure out what it's like without each other."

"Don't wanna."

"It's not like she's the only person in the universe!"

"Fine! Fine! I know. I get it. I'm just being jealous and possessive. I'm just not feeling very good right now. I like Buffy. I mean I'd really like her if, well, if I didn't feel like you. Left out, when they're together. And then I'm scared of her going to kickboxing. But that's probably me just being possessive again. I'm not really scared of her getting out of control, right? I'm just scared of her getting too close with Buffy. Um…" She looked up at Willow, "She is alright, isn't she? Nothing happened at kickboxing last night. Did it?"

"I, uh, I," Willow's lip wobbled, "I don't know. She, she didn't come to school today. I have her homework too. I was going to head over there next."

"Why didn't she call me?"

"Um, Buffy said she was going to head over there before cheerleading." She caught the edge of Tara's glower. "Um, not the best thing to mention?" She jumped to her feet. "How about I go over there right now, and um, tell her to call you. Yup, um, this homework, it just can't wait." Willow fled. Tara would have laughed if she hadn't been in a bad mood, worried, and angry at the same time.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

"Faith?"

"Hey Wills."

"Was Buffy here?"

"Yeah, she just left for practice."

"I brought you your homework."

"Oh, um, great."

"Uh, I've just been over to Tara's. She, um, she didn't go to school either."

"What? Is she okay?" I told her, I told her to be careful.

"Yeah, um, she wants you to call her." The phone was off the hook and the speed dial was singing in a second. "I'll, um, leave this here." Willow left the homework on the heaped desk and sidled out.

"Tara?"

"Faith?"

"Are you okay?" They both said it at the same time, and then they kind of laughed.

Faith sighed and smiled into the receiver. "Yeah, um, weird things happened last night. I'm sorry. I should have been more careful. I should have followed your advice."

"As long as you're okay."

"And you? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I, um, it was kind of a mess. We haven't been hanging out enough. Do you want to do something this Friday?"

"Yeah, that would… oh fuck."

"Faith."

"Sorry. It's just I promised Buffy I'd dr-"

"Yeah fine, whatever, it's fine, don't worry about it."

"Tara, I-"

"Just don't invite me along this time. I can tell she gets annoyed that you keep doing that."

"Tara…"

"Bye, I, I have things, need doing, homework, and suchlike." She hung up.

Faith stared into the receiver. "Shit!" She slammed it into its cradle.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

"Ready?" Buffy waited by the station wagon in a knee-length patterned skirt and a collared white shirt. Her hair was up in a high ponytail. "Do I look like a good girl? Do I look like a happy cheerleader?"

"That ponytail may make you look a little too ditzy. Do we want to go for the Willow look?"

"What are you wearing?" Faith looked nervous and took off the long coat. Buffy giggled, then she covered her mouth. "Sorry, sorry, it's just, pink. I never thought I would see you in pink."

"You had better appreciate this. I'm doing it just for you."

"It's pink." Buffy bounced around. Her ponytail flopped.

"Forget what I said about the ponytail. The ditzyness works perfectly."

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Tara dropped her bag in the front hallway and hit play on the answering machine as she walked into the kitchen.

"Hi, Tara. This is Buffy. Faith and I are heading down to Fox Valley. We should be back tonight. We're hoping to bring back a friend of mine. If we do my mom and me want you to come over for dinner, with Faith, on Sunday night. Is that cool? It would be great if you could come. Bye."

Tara leaned against the counter and tapped her fingers against it, staring at nothing that lay before her.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Fox Valley was an odd place, almost Southern in appearance, and not Southern Californian. The houses were big and painted light colors. Many had wide verandas with filigree that bordered the edges. On one a woman with auburn hair and a pointed foxy face stood, untying her apron and looking out into the road as a girl with hair more brightly red in a black muscle shirt and exercise shorts sprinted past. She slowed down a few yards away, then turned and started back the way you came.

"Nikki! Why do you keep doing that? You're going to be disgusting."

Nikki leaned over bracing herself with her hands on her knees. "I'm working on my recovery time, mom." She gasped a little. "I only have three more to go." She started walking towards where she had marked the beginning of her fifty-yard sprint. "And it keeps me from freaking out with worry." She muttered to herself as she lined up and stared down her goal. Again she took off, running as fast as she could, controlling her form, all her muscles, her breathing. She passed the finish line and jogged to a stop, then she began to walk back.

"Are you trying out for the track team? You're getting very fast."

"Mom, you know this is for kickboxing."

"Why can't you do track? It's safer."

"Mom."

"I know, I know. You like kickboxing, it helps you focus, you learn to defend yourself, you've told me it all before. But I think you would be good at track."

"Mom. I hate running." She put her head down and took off again.

As she gasped her way back along the road, her mom shook her head. "For someone who hates running you do it often enough."

"Do you want me to get pummeled into the ground? Do I want me to be pummeled into the ground? I don't think so. I need to train." As she took off on her last sprint a white station wagon pulled into the driveway. Gasping for air Nikki turned around, and suddenly her recovery time was instantaneous.

"Buffy!" She sprinted to the car where the small girl in a pretty skirt had just stepped out of the passenger door and she froze right in front of her. The girl didn't even hesitate at the sweat running down her face, she lunged forward, and they were hugging so tight that they couldn't have breathed even if they wanted to.

The driver side door opened a little more leisurely and a taller girl in a pink dress with her dark hair back in barrettes climbed out. She nervously smiled up at Nikki's mom.

"So, I guess we found the right house. I'm Faith, the chaffeur."

Matty, Nikki's mom, smiled back. "It's nice to meet you, Faith. Excuse me for a moment." She turned to the hugging pair. "NICOLE MATILDA LICAN! Go take a shower this instant! You are ruining her outfit."

They split apart, still holding both the other's hands, and grinning so hard it felt like their faces would shatter from the tension. Then Nikki bit her lip, leaned in and brushed her lips against Buffy's cheek. Then she sprinted up the veranda steps towards the shower.

Her mother smiled at the visitors. "Would you like to come inside for some lemonade?"

……………………………………………………………………………………………

The parlor continued the southern décor. Lace curtains dripped from the windows. A piano was tucked in the corner. A sideboard was lined with doilies and photos of an entirely redheaded family. Matty brought in the lemonade in a glass pitcher and she looked at Buffy and Faith looking at the pictures.

"One boy and four girls, far too many girls, though Nikki tries to make it better by being as much of a boy as she can." Buffy smiled to herself. Faith eyed her and lined up a question to ask later. Then she looked back at the pictures.

"Where's the boy?" Buffy elbowed her in the side, but the question had been asked.

"He, um, ran away. My husband made me take his pictures down, but I still keep a few." She moved to one of the drawers in the sideboard. "See, here's his Cross-Country photo, and his Track photo, and here he is in the school play. But this is silly, you don't want to look at his pictures. Come have some lemonade." They sat down, but there was another photo on the table and Faith perused it.

"Are those two twins?"

"Yes." Matty leaned over the photo, "She's at UCLA and she's at MPC, but she's transferring to Berkeley next year."

"Oh, nice, smart kids. And this one."

"Oh! That's Natalie." Buffy was hiding her face.

Another voice broke in, "She's in Juvie for dealing drugs."

Faith looked up at Nikki in surprise, all clean and with wet hair slick against her face and neck. She had changed into cargoes and a clean T-shirt with the sleeves cut off. Buffy jumped up, but couldn't move in any other way. Nikki sauntered over, pulling her hair back into a tail. Faith could see that she wanted to flop right into Buffy's lap, but sated herself with flopping into the seat next to her and then pouring herself some lemonade.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

"No way. You guys are not sitting in the back together. I am not driving for an hour to the beautiful music of you two making out."

Buffy glowered, but Nikki just squeezed her arm around her waist and grinned.

"Nick, you are up front with me. Buff, suck it up. All right, all right. I know you can't last another hour, so get your making out rocks off now and then get in the car."

Nikki and Buffy looked at each other nervously. Then they looked at Faith who was watching them, hands on hips. They grinned guiltily.

"What?"

"We can hold in off for another hour or so," Nikki said.

Buffy played with her hair. "Come on, we're not that hopeless."

"Fine, you can't make out in front of me, your loss, lets get going."

She started up the car. "So, is your sister really in Juvie?"

"Yeah. Living without parents really didn't work out for her. Supposedly it didn't work out for me either, but I just got expelled."

"Huh, no parents, but- you know, just met her?"

"I moved to LA with my sisters when I was fourteen. I started kickboxing, made some friends, adjusted. Nat made some friends and started dealing drugs. She's actually in Juvie for armed robbery, things got complicated in her life."

"Wild. I was in Juvie for a while, assault." Nikki nodded.

"I don't know if I'm going to spoil any of your plans, but I'm not planning on following my sisters example."

Buffy laughed, "don't worry. I'm still trying to gain points with my mom. We're all going to be very good this weekend."

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

Faith squinted at the road. "I thought it was ice, and adulterous lovers were frozen into it. No, wait, that's the eighth circle or something."

……………………………………………………………………………………………

"Mom! Look who's here!" Joyce came out onto the porch. Buffy pushed Nikki forward. She was beginning to turn the color of her hair, which was remarkably similar to Willow's.

"Well, it's nice to see you again, with your shirt on, and I hope to continue to see you with your shirt on, and not splayed pornographically over the couch with my daughter on top of you. Okay?"

Nikki looked like she was going to die of embarrassment. "Okay," she mumbled.

"Now that we have gotten past that, would you like to come in? You're staying for the weekend? Shall we set you up in the _guest room_?"

"Mom…" Buffy gave her the sick puppy look.

"No! you will not grow up until I'm ready for it!"

Buffy glowered and scraped the dirt with her foot, "why can't you just go back to really believing that? I'll never be allowed a proper sleepover again."

"Well, I would find it all completely innocent, except I caught you on the couch!"

Faith took Nikki's suitcase out of the trunk and thwapped the mortified girl on the back of the head with it.

"Hey. If you guys are done with the making out and the family drama by tomorrow night do you want to come to my karate class?"

"Sounds good," said Buffy, still engaged in a staring bout with her mother.

"And T should come, so it's cool right?"

Faith smiled at Joyce, but there was no real response. She slipped away.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

"So Faith has this major crush on her best friend, Tara. And I was supposed to help them hook up in payment for her driving me down to pick you up, but I am utter crap as a matchmaker. It sucks because she drove me anyways, and now I feel guilty. I really want to help."

Nikki held the door of the dojo for her, and smiled in the force of her distress. "She'll be here, right? Let me take a look 'round, my sister used to be good at this sort of thing; maybe I'll have inherited the matchmaker gene."

"Which sister?"

"Uh, well, Natalie." Buffy mussed her hair.

"Inheriting genes that your felonious sibling has isn't necessarily a good thing."

"I'm trying to avoid that particular gene, but it wasn't like I was alone in blowing up the gym."

"Hey, I'm a genetic anomaly, though who knows how Dawn will turn out. She hasn't hit the dark moody teen years yet."

"Hey guys!" Faith trotted up in a white gi. "You finished making out!"

Buffy glowered at her, "we're just taking a break."

"Tell me one thing, is Nikki really staying in the guest room?"

There was a pause.

"Um, yes, yes I am." Faith looked at Nikki. Buffy looked at Nikki. Then she glared at Faith.

"Well, we want her to be able to come back, right?" Nikki smiled and slipped her arm around Buffy's waist.

"You mean it's not because you've lost your irresistibility?"

"I haven't. I've just realized that there are consequences to my actions."

Faith grinned. "If only your mom could see you now."

Buffy rolled her eyes.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

"Why don't they just talk to each other?" Buffy glanced up from the water fountain at Nikki. Nikki was watching Faith do some sort of imitation for Tara's amusement,

"Huh?"

"I mean, it's obvious it's reciprocal."

"It is?" Buffy looked at them.

"So neither of them have any self confidence whatsoever?"

"They don't?"

Nikki sauntered over in their direction. She walked up behind Faith, who was hopping on one foot, to elucidate some point she was making. Nikki glanced around nonchalantly and thrust an arm out, hitting Faith in the small of the back. Faith toppled forward. Tara caught her. Nikki clenched her fist, hoping for that moment that seemed so easy to obtain in the movies. And it seemed to happen, their arms were around each other, they were looking into each other's eyes. And then they jumped apart.

Faith spun around. "What do you think you were trying to pull?" she exclaimed, waving her fist, a little too late for proper comic timing.

"Well I was hoping I could get you to kiss and declare your undying love for each other, but it may have been wishful thinking. Things are a lot easier in the movies."

Tara slipped her arm around Faith's waist. "Oh, if that's what you want. We declare our undying love for each other almost every day." She pressed faith against her side and kissed her cheek.

Buffy prodded Nikki in the side, "you see how easy this isn't?"

"Yeah, this is worse than if she hated her. I thought I could see it, but maybe I was wrong."

"It's a tough call, and it makes you see why Faith doesn't want to risk anything really. It's too good of a friendship to screw up."

"Yeah, sucks huh?"

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Joyce came in to tell them to go to bed at 11:30. Nikki went docilely to the guestroom, and Buffy crawled into her own bed, cold and alone. It wasn't like she wasn't used to being alone, but she always felt as if someone wanted to be with her, even if they couldn't. Now she wasn't so sure. She hated it that things had to change. She was so angry at herself, at her friends, at her mom, at the school. If they hadn't had to leave…

It was an absurd proposition. If they hadn't made that stupid mistake of getting a little carried away on the sofa, if her mom hadn't come home unexpectedly. She slammed her fist down on the pillow.

"Buffy?" She sat up, and glanced around for the source of the little sad voice.

"Dawn?"

Dawn came up to the side of the bed.

"What's going on? Is Nikki mad at you for kissing Faith?"

"I don't think so."

"Is she sick or something?"

"Why are you asking?"

"Why isn't she here?"

"Mom said she has to sleep in the guestroom."

"Why?"

"Because she thinks we've had sex."

"What?"

"Dawn, you know what sex is."

"Um, in theory, but um…"

"Can we not go into this now?"

"okay." Dawn shivered.

"Are you cold?"

"No."

"Come on, get in."

Dawn gratefully climbed into bed beside her sister and snuggled up to her.

"Am I interrupting something?"

Buffy sat up, "Nikki!"

"Since you've apparently had other surprise guests I won't be offended at your shock at my appearance."

Dawn sat up as well. "Do you want to talk to Buffy about sex?"

"Kind of."

"Can I listen?"

"I'm afraid I'm not going to be very explicit."

"That's okay."

"Well, I'm not going to make you leave, but the conversation could get somewhat awkward."

"That's okay. Get in here." Dawn invited Nikki into the bed. She accepted and climbed in.

Buffy dropped back onto her back, "You guys are so lucky I have a queen-size."

"Queens always had threesomes."

"Nikki!"

"Hey, the size of my bed is called a gentleman's occasional."

"That is awful!"

"I don't understand."

"It's okay Dawnie, we're just teasing." Buffy patted her head.

"Don't pat my head, you're pat-ron-izing me again!"

"I told you we were going to talk about sex in a non explicit way."

"Ohh! That's what you we're doing."

"Someone was pushing the boundaries of explicitness," muttered Buffy.

"I don't want you to be my gentleman's occasional."

"What?" Buffy propped herself up to look over Dawn.

Dawn nodded sagely, "she doesn't want you to be her mattress."

"Yeah, but fifty miles is hard for a double."

Nikki agreed. "I'm not just going to jump into your queen."

"Didn't you?"

"We have one of those great chastitiy pillows in the middle."

"So you wouldn't have gotten in if Dawn wasn't here first?"

"Wait! When did I come into the conversation?"

"I might have frozen a bit more while we had this discussion in less euphemistic terms."

"I want to kiss you."

"Buffy…"

"I just want to kiss you. Nothing else. Even if you don't want anything from me."

"I want to kiss you too."

"I know!" exclaimed Dawn, "Buffy could kiss me, and I could kiss Nikki, then Nikki could kiss me and I could kiss Buffy!"

"You're setting yourself up as quite the action getter, my young, profiteering middleman."

"Nikki, I don't understand you."

Buffy grinned. "We could just squish her and kiss over her."

"An elucidating demonstration for her education."

"Quite. However I'm sure my mother would not think of it in the same terms."

"Oh yes, more of the flavor of corruption. Do you want to kiss boys or girls Dawnie?"

"Um, does it have to be or?"

Nikki and Buffy laughed, "no, it doesn't, but don't tell your mom that."

"Perhaps you should talk to me about your romantic interests first," said Buffy.

"You're confusing me. And it's not like you'd have the best advice, arsonist."

"Perhaps she's right, it's like asking Natalie for romantic advice."

"I'm not as bad as your sister."

"Hey, she did end up in Juvie with her lover. Armed robbery is always better with two."

"Just like arson."

"You better learn from our mistakes." Natalie tapped Dawn on the nose, "no felonious activities, not even shoplifting."

"I'm not an idiot."

"Any chance I could climb over you and kiss your sister?"

"No. I take my job as a buffer seriously." She giggled, "I'm a buffer for Buffy."

"Well, what are you going to do if I forcibly overcome the buffer?"

"I'll call for mom!"

"She stops me at every turn."

"It's nice to have a little sister so zealous in protecting my virtue."

"The brat."

"But do we understand each other?"

"We're not letting the fact that we rarely see each other force us into anything we aren't ready for."

"Yes, you're right."

"But I'm ready to hold your hand tonight, if our buffer will allow that."

"Perhaps that will be allowable."

Nikki found Buffy's hand.

"You know," she commented, "if we worked together we could possibly tickle the buffer into submission."

Buffy sighed, "I happen to know she's a screamer."

……………………………………………………………………………………………

The next morning Joyce checked Nikki's bed first. Finding her gone, she sighed. She prepared herself and opened Buffy's door. The light fell on three sleeping forms. Her mouth opened to exclaim in shock, and then she noticed the positioning. Nicole was asleep with her head on Dawn's pyjamaed shoulder. Dawn's head was tilted towards her. Buffy was curled against Dawn and her arm was splayed over her. Her hand was still clenched in Nicole's. Joyce shook her head, and left them to sleep.

Buffy awoke to the smell of pancakes frying and long dark hair tickling her nose. She carefully disengaged her hand from Nikki's and slid out of bed. On her way to the bathroom she glanced back and smirked at the sight of her girlfriend cuddled up to her little sister. I possibly could be jealous, she thought, and laughed at herself.

She was the first downstairs. Joyce looked at her and shook her head.

"You checked in on us then?" Buffy asked.

"I did. But unless there was some pedophilic orgiastic events that I slept through, you didn't actually do anything."

"And we're not going to."

"You just want me to let you sleep together without Dawn."

"It's not that you let us sleep together _with_ Dawn, we just did."

"Yes, but I know that's all you did."

"Dawn was a very efficient buffer. But we still won't."

"You've done it before, what's to stop you now."

"We haven't actually. We've gone pretty far, but not that far. It didn't go much beyond what you saw."

"Buffy, I'd like to trust you."

"Then trust us! We don't want to rush into anything, but I want to sleep with her in my arms, just while we can."

"I want to trust you. I believe your good intentions. But you're just teenagers, how much self control do you really have?"

"I can't believe you're doubting us like this? Do you think we couldn't have dumped Dawn out if we'd wanted to? I don't want to want sex because you think we shouldn't have it, but if you're taking away our responsibility I want to break rules."

"This isn't helping your case."

"It's the truth though. You still think I'm just a kid, and this is how a kid reacts. But if you want to treat me like an adult I'll make responsible decisions. Because it really has nothing to do with you anymore. We're making the decisions that are right for us, and if we decide that it's time, we're going to do it. You won't be able to stop us."

"Buffy! I don't want to me your enemy in this! But I can't condone you sleeping together under my roof."

"You don't trust me."

"If Nikki's mom calls me and asks me if I knew her daughter lost her virginity at my house, I do not want to have to say yes."

"Mom! No one cares if it's girls."

"I care. Just because you're both girls doesn't mean it isn't a big decision."

"And is it one that you discussed with your parents?"

"Buffy! If you brought a boy home would you be surprised at all that I didn't let you sleep in the same bed?"

"That's different, boys are…"

"It's not different to me. I like Nicole. I know she's a nice girl, that she cares about you, but I can't condone this."

"We're not going to have sex."

"You keep on telling me this. So I'll give you an allowance I'd never give to a boy. I'm assigning Dawn as your chaperone."

"What!"

"I know you are protective of your sister, and you wouldn't expose her to anything you think is inappropriate. So if you're really not planning on having sex you shouldn't have any problems with Dawn keeping an eye on you."

"You are a devious being."

"I know."

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Tara gave in and picked up the phone. She hit the speed dial. "Faith?"

"Hey T, what's up?"

"You doing anything today?"

"Dinner at Buffy's, with you I hope."

"I think so, but, before that."

"Nothing. My day is so boring I was thinking about doing homework. And we don't even have school tomorrow."

"That's bad. Do you want to hang out?"

"Sure. You got a plan?"

"Just wanted to talk."

"Sounds fine. You don't have any Cordelia thing?"

"That's something we need to talk about."

"You want to have an early lunch at Seaport?"

"I wouldn't mind."

"I'll pick you up in ten."

"I'll be ready." There was a pause.

"See you in a few, bye T."

"Bye F."

Tara hung up the phone and harbored the uncomfortable feeling of opportunities missed.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

No one was at the diner at ten o'clock, and neither Tara not Faith felt exceptionally hungry. They sat outside on one of the benches overlooking the water.

"I broke up with Cordelia." Tara didn't bother with formalities. "We've had some bad conversations lately, and I guess I never got around to telling you."

Faith looked at her, lips parted but with nothing to say.

"Yeah, we have." Faith bit her lip. "And I've been doing some really stupid things lately. I miss all the time we used to spend together. I feel like I haven't hung out with the gang since you started going out with Cordelia, but mostly I miss the time I haven't been spending with you."

"Me too."

Faith was smiling, trying not to blush, trying to hide her happiness.

Tara was smiling back, not caring, the sun shining on her face. She scooted close to Faith and caught her lips in a soft kiss. Faith responded easily and then they broke it, Tara leaning against Faith's shoulder.

"Was that so hard?" she asked herself quietly.

"No," answered Faith. "I love you," she said.

"I love you too."

Faith trailed her fingers up Tara's arm. "What does it mean?"

"What do you want it to mean?"

"I just don't want to get caught up in all that couple drama. I don't want to lose you as a friend."

"Then no expectations? We're just friends, but…"

"But I can touch you whenever I feel like it?"

"You always did."

"Not since I realized I liked you. Not since I realized I wanted to kiss you."

"Don't be afraid of me."

"Afraid of you?" Faith arched an eyebrow.

"Yeah, me." Tara flicked the end of her nose, "I'm scary."

Faith leaned in and kissed her, "I was terrified."

"Of that? You weren't afraid of it with Buffy."

"You never sound jealous! Why do you never sound jealous?"

Tara paused and looked out to sea. "The only time I was really truly jealous was when she rode on your bike."

"So that seat's your property, but my mouth isn't?"

"It is now."

"So no more kissing Buffy?"

"Mmm, no."

"Well no more kissing Cordelia for you. You have no idea how I felt when I was watching you guys on your first date."

"You were watching us?"

"I was a pathetic stalker, I know."

"You are unutterably pathetic." Tara kissed her. "But Cordelia is going to be so self-righteous when she finds out. She was sure that I wouldn't um…"

"Wouldn't what?"

"Um, mmrmph mmrp mr."

"What?"

Tara chuckled. "She was sure I wouldn't sleep with her because I wanted you. I wasn't even sure of that yet."

"You didn't!"

"I didn't. But, what I said was true- I'm not sleeping with you either."

"What!" Faith pouted. "You said I could touch you whenever I wanted."

"Well," Tara bit her lip, tempted by the pout. "Maybe hard and fast rules aren't the way to go."

"So, Guidelines then?"

"Mm, suggestions?"

"That's good." Faith looked at her best friend. They were quietly serious. This was one of those moments that always used to end in awkward words and a sinking feeling of chances lost. But now there was a perfect answer to the silent question. Faith slid her hand over Tara's shoulder and neck and up into her hair. Then they were kissing and the discomfort slipped away unnoticed.


End file.
